Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Tribute to David: Connection with a Stranger

I’ve had a lot going on in my life to deal since about end August when one of my two roommates moved out (as she was getting married.) Needless to say, there have been some miraculous moments and wonderful connections as well.

For instance, there was a native man who introduced himself to me - at the end of our conversation on the skytrain - as my favourite male name, David (which means Beloved).

He spontaneously asked me if I had children. And then proceeded to tell me to never have them be drug addicts. We started conversing and I felt such compassion for this man that my troubles though seemingly daunting, in those few minutes seemed so small.

I didn’t share my problems with him as I normally would have in past. I held my tongue for it didn’t seem the time or the matter. It seemed to be important that he speak and share his pain with me.

I saw it in his face as he tightened his jaw and clenched his teeth. I felt compelled to tell him not to grind his teeth.

It looked like he was close to tears but instead he clenched his jaw. David said, "I put on a happy face but sometimes I break down, usually when I’m alone." I told him that it is okay to be sad and cry, no matter who’s around you, we’re human. And I went on to say that I cry in public. It’s better to express it than hold it in. Then a few small tears came to both my eyes.

He was concerned that he pained me in some way. I reassured him that he didn’t, though may have picked up some of his energy of pain. I think I was so moved by his sharing that I was deeply touched. Perhaps it was because this stranger revealed to me what may be considered a deep, dark, dirty secret, an intimate confidence to some.

It may also be knowing that "we all have problems" as he said, "suffer" as I would say, "we all have our crosses to bear" as my mom would say. And that with support and love and friendship that we can get through.

Though I offered to give him a number that he could call for help, I think I would have liked to have given him a hug. I wish now that perhaps I would have asked him. As I’m typing this, big tears – this time – are rolling down my cheeks. I think I’ll say a prayer instead for him and his child (son, daughter I do not know).

The skytrain stopped, seemed stuck for some time, a few minutes, and I think we both felt something from our brief exchange. It felt like a short cleansing of some sort at least for me and maybe for him, speaking our truth, sharing our pain, showing our true selves.

He departed stating something along the lines of our next potential meeting, that we could greet each other as a friend by name. Indeed, it feels like that. That I have made a new ‘friend’, an acquaintance with someone I can now greet by name in a sea of faces.

I realized again to be grateful for what I already have. There are always people with problems seemingly worse or better than our own. However, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to exchange my problems with someone else’s. I’m grateful for this chance encounter, this meeting with a stranger, now an acquaintance.

14 comments:

  1. This reminded me of something my father always advised us when we were young - every time your mind gets stuck with the thought of your suffering, your pain, your problem, take a step back and remember that there are many more people in the world with much bigger problems, much serious sufferings and much more pain. It is not that thinking of others' pain makes our pain seem any less, it just helps to develop empathy and compassion and that helps us become more capable of bearing our pain. Well, these are not exactly his words, but he still reminds us of this, or something like this, to this day.
    Thanks Elly for this touching post.

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    1. Those are wise words your father spoke to you Beloo. I'm glad you enjoyed this post. :) <3

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  2. it is pain, that brings humans closer. It is pain, that tells us how minuscule our problems can be as compared to others'. A truly heart warming post, Elly! By the time I reached the end, my eyes had moistened.

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    1. Pain can certainly bring us closer in terms of developing empathy and compassion as Beloo mentioned. I would hope that the opposite - is that joy? - does too! ;) <3

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  3. Elly,I have no words to express my feelings after reading this post.There is so much pain and suffering all around.I felt a lump in my throat after reading about the pain of this unknown person,David.

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    1. I think I felt like that when I heard his story Usha...like a lump in my throat. It certainly put me and my pain in perspective. <3

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  4. sometimes we do open our heart to complete strangers,maybe because strangers can hear your story without being judgmental. It must be tough time for David. I hope he is well now.

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    1. That's so true Raj. I think he perhaps just needed to unload and felt safe/comfortable with me. I have heard MANY stories and secrets over the years and eventually forget them as they're not mine to share. ;) I certainly hope David and his son are better too. <3

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  5. Great post, Elly. A good reminder that our problems that seem so huge are nothing compared to some others who are suffering through challenges we can't even begin to imagine. Good you connected with David that way. I love it when that kind of thing happens and strangers connect.

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    1. Thanks Cathy. I have a few such posts, more or less, and am grateful to encounter them. It brings things into perspective for me. ;) <3

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  6. Great post, Elly! Yes, there is so much suffering on the world that we can hardly imagine. I'm glad you could connect with David.

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    1. Yes indeed, unfortunately there is way too much suffering in the world. If only we could all connect with each others' hearts this way, the world would be a much better place. :) <3

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  7. Sharing our pains with strangers often lightens the burden, such a nice kind thing to do. You gave him a patient hearing. Our troubles seen so few when we see others suffering.

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    1. Oftentimes, that's all what most people want and/or need really: a listening ear. I'm glad I was able to provide space for him to share at the time. And yes, my physical pain was probably less than his mental, emotional, spiritual pain and anguish that he was going through. <3

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