Endings

It is close to the end of the calendar year.

Another close and ending is a recent farewell at my work. I’ve never been fond of goodbyes though I am getting better at them as there have been so many in my life.

However, when a work colleague who has been in the same work environment as I for half my presence there, it is yet another loss and at a deeper level. To exacerbate the situation is that I’m one of about five of the oldest employees there (LOL), both literally and figuratively! And her leaving makes me wonder about my life and the direction I'm going.

As humans, we spend approximately one-third of our lives sleeping and yet we probably spend close to two-thirds, or so it seems, of our time working. That's a lot of time!

I know for me and others too, this year has come and gone so fast, too fast. Time is moving quickly and is seemingly speeding up.

What have I learned and what can I carry with me in the following year? Is it true or just a rumour that 2012 will be an auspicious year? Did I hear that right? Did you? Time will certainly tell.

As the year draws to a close, I can ponder over what lessons I have learned and what I want to bring or carry with me into the new year.

What lessons have you learned this year? Any you wish to share?

p.s. All the best to you, me, us all in 2012!

Earth Angels

Photo courtesy of Roberto Kaplan

Since this is my 44th posting, numerically supposedly signifying angels, I will write a brief excerpt on ‘earth angels.’ Though I’m not an expert, I believe that there truly are 'earth angels,' people like (you?) and I who roam the earth with a kind and gentle heart performing good deeds and being of service.

My motto is "one kind deed a day" as much as possible when I remember as sometimes I forget! Usually I do this spontaneously though. It could be as simple as giving directions or donating items or volunteering.

One such earth angel that immediately comes to mind is my friend Linda K. I met her in an interesting way after I temporarily misplaced my bus pass last year. As I take the bus to and from work, it would add up a lot if I had to pay for bus fare separately so I posted online and within a very short time, I received an email. I was shocked and yet delighted!

We have since maintained our friendship as I decided she was so peppy, positive, sweet, and kind that I didn’t want to end the relationship. Linda, undoubtedly, has a heart of gold, always being of service to her family and friends. Sometimes I actually think too much!

I’m honoured and delighted to know and have such a friend like this in my life. She constantly reminds me of the value of kindness and compassion - even karma - as consequently everyone wants to support her and offer her ‘gifts.’ (In my case, it is usually feeding her dinner, occasionally giving her items, and providing information and referrals to people, places, and events that may interest her. Service begets service!)

How are you an earth angel to others?

Part 1: Intuition: Are you In-to-it?

Photo taken by Roberto Kaplan, Roberts Creek, BC

My intuition is one of my favourite and sacred gifts that I possess, other than compassion and passion which I rediscovered this weekend. It's also one of my favourite topics of discussion!

I was aware of the notion of intuition at a relatively young age, sometime after my family moved to Canada.

It was sometime between the age of six and eight when my Mom, from upstairs, would ask me if I was in the cookie jar or sugar bowl (and to this day, I still love cookies - I'm the cookie monster in disguise1 ; ) - and sweets, i.e., sugar) when I'd be downstairs. (Think of the song, "Sugar, sugar, doo doo doo doo, doo doo, Oh honey, honey, doo doo doo doo, doo doo, You are my candy girl...")

"How did she know that?!,” I wondered. I was surprised and shocked. I surmised from that experience that she must be a witch, but a good witch. I wanted what my Mom had, whatever 'that' was.

Not till years later, in my teens perhaps did I realize that ‘that’ was known as intuition. I started having experiences such as walking into a place, either a potential residence or workplace and know immediately when stepping in the front door and seeing from that viewpoint whether I wanted to live or work there or not.

I'm not exactly sure when I became aware of knowing if I liked someone or not and vice versa, upon a first acquaintance. However, I wasn't always right as sometimes as I got to know a person I got to like them.

In fact, that's what happened with a woman I met a little over two years ago as I judged her according to her outward appearance and I was so wrong. She became my best friend and is extremely funny and down-to-earth. I think she is one of the very few people in my life who really get me (i.e., understand me) at a very deep level, at my core, my essence. (I alluded to her in my Part 2: Three Amigos (Friends) posting, November 7th.)

As I wrote too much in my original piece (sitting in draft form), I will post Part 2 next time. Thanks for your patience in the meantime. : )

Part 3: Soul's Expansion

Photo taken at Harmony Arts Festival 2011, West Vancouver, BC

In the book The Valkyries, Paulo's wife, Chris, was instructed to look at the horizon by her husband's guide: “...the things that surround you change you - in the same way that you change them.” (p. 28) Paulo later briefed her on this: “...A magus, though, always looks much further. We expand that ‘magical space’ and try to control a great many more things. They call it ‘looking at the horizon.’’” (p. 33)

Then Chris goes on to say, “Before, I looked in the distance, and things in the distance seemed really far, you know? They seemed not to be a part of my world. Because I was used to looking only at things that were close, the things around me. But, two days ago, I got used to looking into the distance. And I saw that besides tables, chairs, and objects, my world also included the mountains, clouds, the sky. And my soul – my soul seems to have eyes that it uses to touch those things.” (p. 38)

Paulo was very impressed with her poetic expression and then she repeated, “My soul seems to have grown.” (p. 38) to which he responded in part, “...we’re always looking at the things that are closest to us. Looking down and inward. So our power diminishes, and using your term, our soul shrinks. Because our soul includes nothing but ourselves. It doesn’t include oceans, mountains, other people; it doesn’t even include the walls of the houses where we live.” (p. 38)

I love the way both Chris and Paulo expressed this. And how true! When I am self-absorbed I stay in my own little world, but when I focus outside myself, my world expands, automatically.

In reference to his wife’s comments, “Paulo liked the expression, 'My soul has grown.'" "...he would have heard much more complicated explanations, such as 'My consciousness expanded.' But the term his wife had used was more exact.” (p. 38)

Have you ever felt like your soul expanded? If so, when?

For example, my soul expanded when I had a spiritual awakening. I’ll write about that one day, maybe on the 20th anniversary (December 30, 2012)! Can you wait that long? Can I? Do we need to have our soul expand in order to be patient? ; )

Part 2: Three Amigos (Friends)

Photo taken with permission from Anne Marie Evers, North Vancouver, BC

As I mentioned in my posting dated October 10, “I'm also in gratitude for three people who recently came into my life, each supporting me and willing to contribute and help in various aspects of my move: packing, moving, and organizing.”

These three new amigos (friends) are Linda J. (as I know another Linda), Wallace (whom I wrote a brief excerpt of two postings ago in part 1), and Christy.

I met Linda J. in a writing group I attended one evening. I immediately liked her, perhaps because she reminded me of a former best girlfriend. They both seem to have a positive energy and sense of humour/fun that I admire.

Linda J. is an amazing woman. My first impression was that she is strong in temperament (i.e., being able to deal with life well). Despite a partial visible disability, she is strong both physically and mentally. She graciously offered to help me pack and spent a few hours assisting me with my kitchenware.

Wallace came into my life as a newcomer to a church I had recently attended. I started attending to form a new community as I feel that sometimes I need outside support – like finding a place to live and moving! – other than the choir, chant, and dance communities I’m involved with.

Christy I met along with her cute baby daughter on the bus several times on Saturday afternoons. As she entered the bus, she always greeted the bus driver and myself – as I sat up front – with a beaming smile on her face and a sunshiny ‘hello.’ I loved her positive energy and knew I liked her immediately as well.

Christy kindly offered to help me move. I suggested, however (for various reasons), that if she was interested she could help me organize and/or decorate instead. She willingly agreed. Though she hasn’t yet, I know she will when more of my boxes disappear and our schedules jive.

All of them possess a sweet essence or what I call a ‘good heart.’ They express their essence through kindness.

What is the core of your essence?

Happy Halloween!

As you can see (from the photos), I LOVE Halloween, at least 'dressing up' for it. This is one costume from a few years ago about two months after I had my head shaved (to donate my hair for a child with cancer). I wondered, "How could I use my short hair for a Halloween costume?" And voila, I came up with this. Actually, I think it was seeing a can of green spray that gave me the idea. I called myself a gothic punkster or punkster gothic, something to that effect.

There are some costumes I still think I should have won first prize for. This was one of them, without a question. After all, I barely rcognized myself in the mirror. Now, how cool is that, at least from a Halloween perspective?

I think my love for Halloween came from dressing up as a child. I remember walking down some steps at home to greet my mother in her shoes. I may have worn something else of hers - gloves perhaps? - but I do recall the shoes as they were way too big for me.

Similarly, Laurie Sluchinksi, owner of Boo La La (previously Carol's Costume Corner) in North Vancouver, dressed up as a child and loves dressing up for Halloween. Check her website (www.boolalacostumes.com) for more info and some great costumes!

I'd like to know, how do you express your creative essence at Halloween time? Feel free to share photos. I promise I won't do anything to them or with them. ... ah ha ha ha ha ha ...(think of Vincent Price's laugh on Michael Jackson's Thriller! ; ) ; ) (wink wink) I'm teasing. I wouldn't actually!

Three Amigos (Friends)

Photo taken with permission from Anne-Marie Evers, North Vancouver BC

As I mentioned in my previous blog, “... I am in gratitude for three male friends who helped me move.

These three friends are Jorge (aka George), Paul, and Wallace.

I originally met Jorge as a roommate when I moved from City Hall area to Kitsilano where I had wanted to live ever since living on the East side near Commercial Drive sometime after moving to Vancouver many years ago.

Jorge is a handyman primarily working in the construction industry. He also renovates and painting homes as well as does some electrical work having trained with his brother who is a skilled electrician.

I met Paul at a lecture series that I attend Wednesday evenings. Paul is currently unemployed, though volunteering a lot, contributing his time, energy, and talents to various causes including Operation Red Nose around Christmas to the Vancouver Folk Fest. He is great at knowing what’s happening in, primarily, the cities of Vancouver and the North Shore regarding social, artistic, and educational events and attends many of these functions.

Wallace, a recent transplant from Alberta, I met at a church having attended two weeks prior to him as a guest. He worked as a professional engineer and is now looking to change careers and pursue his passions – I admire that! – working in the restaurant industry.

These men are strong, hard-working, and generous. If you know of any work-related leads for them, let me know and I will pass it onto them. Thanks!

What are some of the qualities you most admire about your friends?

Gratitude is the New Attitude

One lesson I learned from my recent move is to be grateful for what I have – now – for like attracts like or more of the same. The more of what you focus on appears in your life.

Thus, if you focus on the ‘positive’ or ‘good’ things in life, more of that is likely to follow and vice versa if you were to focus on the ‘negative’ or ‘bad’ things. (I use quotes because this is based on human perception.)

There is a spiritual principle or ‘higher’ law known as the law of attraction. The book, The Secret is based on this. You can read more about this by perusing Michael Losiers’ websites as he is ‘law of attraction' extraordinaire or expert (www.lawofattractionbook.com or www.michaellosier.com).

One thing I am grateful for is the home I lived in for a number of reasons and the area in which I lived especially. And currently, I am grateful for my new home, a beautiful suite in a house. However, even though I've come to realize (or so it seems) that no home is perfect - each has its potentialities and flaws - that to focus on noteworthy aspects are important in attracting more of the same. Through this process, I came to a clarity of what I most desired and needed, because of the attributes that didn't exist or didn't serve me previously.

Furthermore, I am in gratitude for three male friends who helped me move. And I'm also in gratitude for three people who recently came into my life, each supporting me and willing to contribute and help in various aspects of my move: packing, moving, and organizing. More about that later (in my next blog posting perhaps?).

What are you (most) grateful for at this time in your life?

Part 2: Soul's Expansion



Panoramic Sunset (photo courtesy of Roberto Kaplan)

In my last blog posting, I referred to my soul’s expansion. You can read in more detail, but the excerpt was “What hit me intuitively was ‘expansiveness’ or ‘expansion.’ This described the panoramic landscape lens that I could see with, the ocean and sky in particular. This new perspective seemed to be(come) my new way of viewing (the world), at least while on holiday in Roberts Creek. It also referred to my heart. For somehow this vastness contributed to the expansion of my heart.” (Read in my previous post, September 12th, how this impacted me when I returned home from my trip.)

Is this what Paulo Coelho’s wife, Chris, experienced in the Mojave Desert?: “It seems as if ... I don’t know ... I can’t explain it ... as if my soul has grown.” (The Valkyries, p. 37)

This was her comment when she experienced her soul expanding when she kept her eyes fixated on the horizon whenever she could. (And yes, I concur with Chris that it is hard to explain. You need the experience in order to understand it, as with most or all spiritual experiences.)

I, too, had looked at the horizon a lot for the breadth of it, i.e., its expansiveness, partly because that’s what was in frontal view from the main floor stepping down towards the beach, and also as I was scanning for wildlife, mainly eagles. Additionally I was exercising my eyes. For all these purposes did I scan the horizon, both sea and sky, back and forth, and up and down.

I believe that my experience of my heart’s/soul’s expansion was attributed to the openness, the vast openness of the wide outdoors. I can’t help but think it can’t help but do that!

To be continued...

Soul's Expansion

Photo courtesy of Roberto Kaplan, taken at Roberts Creek, BC

Interesting, as I discovered that I ate much less including sweets (hardly!) during my first week of vacation at Roberts Creek in mid-July. Would you like to know why? Are you sure? Are you ready for the answer? It may shock and surprise you, or not.

It was this: it was simply due to the fact that I felt fulfilled. That’s right. Full-filled or filled full or fully filled. My soul and thus my body felt satiated, complete, full of life and goodness, AND sweetness! It actually made me wonder about breatharians.

It wasn’t till towards the end of that week that I started craving sweets because I felt I was missing, or rather missed out on what life had to offer. At least in terms of Roberts Creek: the ocean, natural life including not only natural surroundings of wood, but eagles, herons, smooth rocks, shells, and the like. Basically tranquility and peace.

What hit me intuitively was ‘expansiveness’ or ‘expansion.’ This described the panoramic landscape lens that I could see with, the ocean and sky in particular. This new perspective seemed to be(come) my new way of viewing (the world), at least while on holiday in Roberts Creek.

It also referred to my heart. For somehow this vastness contributed to the expansion of my heart. This, in addition to being in nature and, more importantly, in the process work with Roberto Kaplan (www.beyond2020vision.com and http://www.eyecode.info/).

I know he was instrumental to my heart’s and thus my soul’s expansion. His work is very deep and I sensed there were more layers. Aren’t there always, at least in the healing process? I say soul (as in soul’s expansion) because it felt like a shift, a major shift in my being, and as a result my thinking, my way of thinking.

It felt this way to me because when I returned home, it seemed that my world collapsed. What I mean by this is that the backyard where I live as well as my suite seemed to shrink or close in around me. It felt somewhat claustrophobic which is why, rather than unpack immediately (as I normally would), I took a stroll through part of one of several nature trails close by.

I did this for about 1-1/2 hours before dusk until my soul (felt) settled and I felt calmer inside, not so grief-stricken. It was a weird experience for me, but I’m grateful for it.

Grateful for it made me realize in part that I needed to move. In order to further open up my world so-to-speak and perhaps my consciousness and way of seeing. After all, I remember that the word ‘expansion’ came to me intuitively when I first decided to move to the North Shore, a move I thought I would never undertake: too far away from work and my social/community activities, and it rains more there than Vancouver.

However, I have come to know deep within me that North Vancouver is the place that is closest to my heart. I have an affinity for mountains and trees in particular, and water too all stemming from my European background.

Furthermore, the energy is different. I can feel it going through Stanley Park and especially along the Lions Gate Bridge that takes commuters to the North Shore. It’s not hustle bustle-busy like the city of Vancouver is. It’s still a city but more laid-back, more peaceful and quiet.  Though I still seem to be hustling and bustling!  ; )  Could it be that I need to slow down so my soul will expand even more?

Here I Go ... Again!

Photo taken in Roberts Creek, BC

Ok, I'm taking a leap of faith here in a way, rather spilling out my guts about my new situation/dilemma I'm currently dealing with.  I'm moving, again.

Yes, in less than a year, even though ideally I had planned that this was to be a long-term residency, three to five years at least!  After all, who likes to move?  Well, at least I certainly don't.  And of course, I have my reasons to do so this time, though I'm also following Spirit.

So, suffice to say I realize that what I need to learn is (1) the lesson(s) that this move and place brought me so I don't (have to) repeat them again AND (2) to trust, trusting the Universe/God/Spirit (whatever term you prefer to use) that my heart's desires or more importantly what is for my highest and greatest good will be served or manifested.

I know that God/Spirit/Universe including the angels know what I want - and need - for that matter for me to be truly happy, but this time I am looking for my ideal, my ideal home.  I know what I want and I prefer not to settle for less, if possible, as I would like to make my heart happy, make my heart sing, again.

I really, truly would love to live in a place that is home, feels like home. A place of beauty, serenity, inspiration, light. Is that too much to ask for?

So in my search, my quest for my home, I need to remember in each moment to be present (so I don't misplace my cell as I've already done twice in one day recently!) and to have faith.  Trust, faith, belief, hope as I more or less mentioned or alluded to in my last posting.  After all, Spirit guided me to move this time with three indications:  my initial on-and-off thoughts as I dwelled on the possibility (and later perhaps through my intuition), through the spontaneous remark of an 'intuitive' as she calls herself (or 'intuitionist' as I prefer) whose name is Karen McGregor (http://www.divineyou.ca/ and http://www.divineyou.ning.com/), and through my landlord in what she verbally expressed.

By the way, if any of you reading this happen to know someone who has a place in beautiful North Vancouver, feel free to check out my revised ad on Craigs List or Kijiji (under "***IDEAL Tenant ... ").  And in the meantime, I'll take some deep breaths, observe my thinking, and believing, trusting, and having faith in synchronicities and miracles.  (Some prayers and/or meditations wouldn't hurt either!)

p.s.  The above photo symbolizes three aspects to me:  (1) the word 'om' sounding like 'home' (2) me synchronistically picking heart-shaped objects including stones/rocks, etc., and (3) the symbol 'aum' (or 'om') looking in part like the number three, my favourite number.  ; ) 

Heart Connections

I loved – and love - the Harmony Arts Festival! It is my favourite festival in the Vancouver area.

One thing I love about it is connections, connections to people. I always seem to make a new acquaintance with at least one soul, even if the encounter may be somewhat brief. This year it was at least three: on the ‘dance floor’ and at a table while dining and listening to music. And then there are always ‘old’ familiar faces I see, faces from my past (some from years ago) and some more recent (such as some members of the Burstin’ with Broadway choir, www.burstinwithbroadway.com that I’m in, this year being the third).

One such familiar face was that of a young boy. It wasn’t instant recognition as much as a familiarity as in ‘I think I know that boy’ kinda way. I saw him dancing or attempting to do so with his younger brother; I could tell they were brothers because they looked quite alike.

When I saw him return to his mother, I looked to see if I remembered her face, as I’m usually excellent at face recognition. This time I couldn’t quite tell as she wore sunglasses.

A short while later I saw they were leaving and scurried up to them. Indeed, he was in fact the young lad I had seen last year when I was attempting to launch my dream. He, in my opinion, was an ideal ‘student’ as he was full of exuberance and passion. He really wanted to sing and I loved that about him, mainly his passion and energy.

I felt more committed then to my dream, in sharing it with children such as this boy. His heart-felt enthusiasm touched me deeply. Unfortunately, even though his mother was fairly supportive, there was an issue to consider. I think it had to do with the timing in terms of vacation.

Needless to say, I felt that the universe - God/Spirit whichever term you prefer to use - was kicking my butt, but this time not forcefully but gently. However, I know I need to heed the call this time or else I’ll not only be disappointed, but disheartened and discouraged as well. And, not to mention that I would be kicked in the butt big time so-to-speak by Spirit if I didn’t. Furthermore, the boys and girls who could be potential participants would be missing out.

In a spontaneous piece of writing a number of years ago (2004 in fact!) during Tama Kieve’s workshop based on her book, This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love (www.awakeningartistry.com), I felt I channelled this message to myself, my soul: “...They’re waiting. ... The children need you. You can do this. The universe will support you ...” (This was similar in part to another message I received intuitively also a number of years ago.  Read my Aug. 7th posting about the latter statement in ‘Surreal Experiences.’)

Yet all this time I’ve been afraid. FULL of fear. Afraid to take action because I judged myself. Part of Marianne Williamson’s quote from her book, A Return to Love based on ACIM (A Course in Miracles) comes to mind: “... who am I to be brilliant ... talented, fabulous?” After all, I'm not a musician or a choir director. (My first two blog postings come to me now as I’m typing this. I think I need to re-read them! You may wish to too!)

In my case, it was fear that fuelled my lack of motivation. Despite this, last year for some reason I decided to plunge in headfirst through my fears, into the deep end in attempting to make my dream a reality. So close, and yet so far!

But I’m still restless. Rather, my heart and mind won’t be still concerning this dream as I have visions or intuitions that come to me sporadically.

For example, during my recent holiday on the Sunshine Coast whilst in the hot tub, I received a vision of an opening number of my to-be-choir’s performance. I also found a beautifully smooth stick in the ocean and knew immediately that it was to be my baton, my choir baton. (Not that I need one of course as I thought I’d be using my hand(s) exclusively.) Shortly thereafter, the thought of a feather, an eagle feather came to mind to hang from one end. Though I didn’t find an eagle feather – hopefully one day! – I did find a beautiful multi-coloured feather, possibly from a gull.

So Spirit still speaks to me, maybe not in words, but in different ways. I feel I need to heed the call this time. Time is ticking away. Life is precious. I need to share my gifts and have others, i.e., children share theirs with me too ... and the world!

A Man of Clear Vision

Photos courtesy of Roberto Kaplan

There are not too many people who really get me at a deep and authentic level. One such person is Roberto Kaplan. (You can check out his websites at www.beyond2020vision.com and www.eyecode.info.)

This is a testimonial I wrote after spending some time with him last summer: “Roberto Kaplan, you have the ability to perceive me through to the depth of my soul, my deepest, truest authentic self. You combine your intuition (insights), wisdom, and perceptivity as you sit with me or photograph me. In your presence, I feel acknowledged for who I am, though at times with my vulnerability exposed. However, it is a rare gift to be truly seen and understood by another and I appreciate your talent that is a true gift for all.” This is still true upon my visit with him this year.

I originally met Roberto Kaplan in 1996 when I originally pursued the possibility of clearer vision, i.e., perfect eyesight. (If I had continued at that time, I believe I would have perfect vision today!)

In my opinion, he is a visionary, best symbolized by all the eagles he saw – on a daily basis – whilst his stay on the Sunshine Coast, at least while I was there. He is also very intuitive and insightful, and perceptive. (Notice how they seem to all be vision-related words. ; ))

With focus (pardon the pun that just came out), determination, and clarity of his work and life’s purpose, he is present enough to know what is required of him to fulfill his daily and weekly passions and ambitions.

Spurred on by his inspiration, he is undaunted by external factors. This includes myself (and all my defense mechanisms what he termed ‘destructive patterning') during my recent visit. (Later, I would challenge both of us to ‘pattern interruptions' or ‘pattern interrupts' for short – my word and invention – in dispelling the negativity of destructive patterns.)

What I most appreciate about Roberto, other than everything I’ve stated already, above, is that he was extremely patient and supportive in helping me to transition from fear into love. He helped to open my heart up, unbeknownst to me at first. It was a combination of the natural outdoors, and his 'work' that included feedback concerning my way of seeing and coping with the world.

It actually wasn’t until after spending some time with him on the Sunshine Coast that I came to discover that my heart was in a state of openness, of love and gratitude. It had been awhile! My heart was also in a state of ‘positivism’ (my word) or optimism. Essentially I was starting to re-experience the feelings of belief, trust, faith, and attraction, the latter as in the law of attraction.

What I came to realize is that I needed to follow, rather live my passions: writing, dancing, even ‘speaking’ comes to me now, being in nature, and the like.

For this, I have to say thank you. Thank you Roberto for the invitation to visit and spend time with you in Roberts Creek, for seeing me as I am, and facilitating my process. Well, it wasn’t always easy, but nevertheless I am grateful. Truly.

p.s. Also check out Roberto’s amazing photos of nature, people, and the like on
www.flickr.com/photos/kaplaneyecode or his websites. Enjoy!

Touched by a Stranger

Photo courtesy of www.dreamhealer.com

A young man - I'll call him Abe (as he doesn't know I'm writing about him) - walked by with a skateboard and a fishing rod, an odd combination I thought. He was walking along the shore of the Sunshine Coast whilst my recent visit there and upon his return route spoke to my host.

His beautiful accent, and one I partially recognized, caught my attention. When I actually looked at him, I noticed he was an attractive lad and 'Adam' immediately came to mind: 'Adam' as Adam Dreamhealer used to be known by (aka Adam McLeod). Both Abe and Adam look tall and slim with dark hair and eyes. (I'm going by photos of Adam as I never met him in person...yet).

I think I even noticed Abe's aura by chance though wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not with the blues of the sky behind him. If so, it was beautiful turquoise in colour around his head. He not only had this vibrant aura, but also in his energy, his energy field.

That is what I most admired about him, his aura of attraction (the words and music of 'Physical Attraction' by Phil Collins came to mind when I was observing him). His energy was one of extreme enthusiasm, with passionate undertones. (This seems to be the number one thing or quality I first notice about people, i.e., their energy).

I also loved his ability to manifest as he was sharing tales of things he was attracting into his life. Abe was very grateful for a number of reasons and rightfully so as he was sharing part of his life story with us, two strangers, my host and I, on the beach.

I could tell his heart was very open and at one point asked him what his passions were. As he shared this, he exuded further excitement that was so contagious I didn't want to leave to get a scarf as the temperature was cooling down.

His presence had such an air and state of grace, like the quality of an angel or an angelic being perhaps. He expected ease and flow on a conscious and/or subconscious level as the universe graced him with gifts, i.e, things he was in need of.

I was in deep admiration of him and his process and was grateful to encounter this wonderful stranger. He reminded me to keep my heart open, be grateful, count my blessings, and expect the best ... stuff like that.

So my question for you now is, how do you keep your heart open?

p.s. I haven't met Adam Dreamhealer yet, but hope to one day. I know he's speaking in Vancouver on September 10th (though I have a number of variables to consider).

Surreal Experiences

WOW! I could write so many stories I don’t know which one to write right now! I’ve had an amazing two-week and well-deserved vacation that I didn’t want to end.

To say I had a blast would be an understatement. Literally, I had fun in the sun. Luckily summer came just in time to grant me two full weeks of sunshine and warmth...nice!

I’m so grateful to have been invited to spend some time at Roberts Creek with Roberto Kaplan, my original vision therapist, mentor and friend (www.beyond2020vision.com or www.eyecode.info). (My next blog posting may feature about some of my time there and some of the learnings and insights I received.)

I’m also thankful to have spent this past week at my favourite festival: the Harmony Arts Festival in West Vancouver (www.harmonyarts.ca). I was there every evening but three, the first two as I was away and this past Wednesday. This festival is my favourite for a variety of reasons, but the main one is free music – and great bands to listen and dance to – outdoors in nature, by the ocean.

But now I want to go on a slightly different tangent: today’s blog posting that I wrote spontaneously while sitting near the ocean during the Harmony Arts Festival.

There is a blur between so-called reality, for after all, what actually is reality? Because reality is different for you and for me (and for everyone else for that matter!). You see, we all see with different eyes, a different lens, a different perspective.

Now I wish I had taken a photo (and used it for this blog with permission) of this young lad of about age three who was looking into his grandmother’s camera after she shot a picture or two of his face close up. His expression was priceless! What did he see? And what did she see? (“She sells seashells by the seashore” is the phrase that comes to mind as I type this!)

Our reality is based on our past, our beliefs, our thinking, thought patterns, feelings, and our state of being (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.).

Take, for instance, the witness of an event or an accident. There could be say 10 people who experience (i.e., see) it in their own way. Each person will have his or her own interpretation, and their own individual story about it. (This makes me think of witnesses in court.)

Similarly for families. Parents and siblings will have their own version of family occurrences. I was surprised for example to discover that one of my sisters experienced things in a totally different way than I did, seemingly opposite to mine: a major contrast.

I was aware of my first statement above intuitively years ago, rather the question about what reality is.

Apparently my reality is usually myopic in that I often see things – and experience life – in a myopic way. Roberto Kaplan portrayed this fact to me during our reacquaintance last week. Essentially, this means that I view life with a fear-based perspective.

I know this in a different way: I would label it as being pessimistic, fearing the worst and often anticipating and preparing for the worst. Perhaps this was a result of losing my twin sister at birth, who knows?

However, there are times when I am the opposite, full of optimism. This occurs when my heart is open and/or I am full of joy (like I was during most of my time at Roberts Creek and during the Harmony Arts Festival). Basically, when I have faith and hope, and trust and belief in myself/life/others/God/Spirit.

A number of years ago I received this message intuitively, “Elly, trust yourself. Trust the universe. It will support you.” This message came to me very strongly and clearly when I undertook T. Harv Eker's “Enlightened Warrior Training Camp” (www.enlightenedwarrior.com) and “Wizard Training Camp” (www.wizardtraining.com) through Peak Potentials (www.peakpotentials.com). And did I? No! Why? Because I didn’t have faith and/or belief in myself.

This is not to say that at times I didn’t experience this. I did, but the experiences were far and few in between for the most part. There were times though I was totally in trust mode and, with heart open, the universe presented itself to me so-to-speak in miraculous ways.

I used to call these ways ‘coincidences,’ but I have come to know that they’re more accurately referred to as ‘synchronicities’ as in ‘Divine Providence’ (this term comes to me now).

I’ve had two such major occurrences that lasted not just moments as in seconds or even minutes, but hours, days, and even weeks on end! Yes, truly. I’m not kidding. I’ve chronicled them and perhaps I’ll use them somehow one day in a more extensive writing. (If I do for this particular piece, it could be a small book!)

Suffice to say though that I know I was blessed to have experienced such amazing connections with ‘Spirit.'

My heart has opened, re-opened these past two weeks during my vacation. Thanks for Roberto to help me in this process and thus to enable me to thoroughly enjoy my second week listening to great music, and dancing and jumping for joy during the Harmony Arts Festival.

Till my next posting, enjoy our beautiful weather whilst we have it, at least for those of you readers in this part of the world, the beautiful BC Pacific Coast.

p.s. The photos are of Lion's Gate Bridge in somewhat of a blurred state, that is, depending on your vision! ; )

Happy Dance-s!

I love it when I’m happy! Don’t you? Don’t we all?! Well, do you ever do an 'anchor' (based on neurolinguistic programming) or a happy dance when you are? I do and I did twice - wow! - almost two months ago already!

I discovered via email that I received a praiseworthy comment from my original vision therapist, Roberto Kaplan (www.beyond2020vision.com and www.eyecode.info) on a blog posting that I had written the day before. He wrote a comment that both tickled and humbled me: “You are a natural. I want you to write for me” about Part 2: The Call to Write that I wrote May 31st.

I was extremely happy and excited about his comment as I had wanted to write for him and had even mentioned that to him last year when we reunited after a number of years.

Anyway, it was cool – and IS cool – to receive positive feedback!

As I referred to in that particular posting, Baljit Rayat (www.lotusdestiny.com) - an intuitive ‘soul coach’ as I would call her – informed me or strongly implied that I am a writer and though I didn’t believe that piece of news at first, I am beginning to more so now. That is what that May 31st posting detailed.

The second time I did my happy anchor and my crazy/silly, happy dance was when I received a call from a woman where I volunteer part-time. She informed me that I could work part-time on an as-needed basis when the other woman didn’t show up. This was to be occasional, but that was still good news as I knew that I might be going on strike (with the union employees) at my full-time job.

So, tell me, how do you celebrate or recognize good news when you receive it?

Happy (1-Year) Anniversary!

It's been a year since I first created this blog and wrote my first posting!

If you read the first two postings, you may know that I started this blog in part to inform people of my dream to direct a non-traditional children's choir. Though it has morphed over time, it was originally meant to give people a sense of me (as I didn't have a website and still don't), and some ideas or reasons for this choir.

The pictures above are part of the advertisements I posted and/or handed out. I created the first, a simple flyer - you only see about half of it here - while a former colleague created the second, where you see all but the contact details. With its bright vivid colours it certainly drew attention and still does: there is at least one place that still has the poster! ; )

It is still a dream of mine as I was in the works - and close - to manifesting it last year. I plan to work on a proposal so I can realize it next year. Due to unforeseen circumstances last year, I wasn't able to bring it to fruition this year, at least in the way I intended. (Keep tuned as there will be more for me to share about this in the coming weeks and months.)

In the meantime, I'll ask: What are your dreams and what are you doing to bring them to fruition? Even if they're baby steps, they're still steps! ; ) And yeah, I know, I should speak. I need to go practice what I'm preaching. ; )

Part 2 Aftermath ... Accepting and Expressing

In my previous posting on the aftermath of the riot which I felt compelled to write (and did so extremely quickly), I wrote in part that in order to find peace, we must be peace. Likewise, that the reflection of our inner world is reflected in our outer world and vice versa. What does that say about us and the Vancouver riot that occurred two weeks ago? I know this might sound quite controversial, but I am speaking on a spiritual level.

What I didn’t mention previously is this: we all have a dark side. We all have the ability to love and to hate, to love and to kill. Love and fear are supposedly opposites. although most people think that love and hate are. Regardless, though these are extremes, I’m saying that every human being has the potential to express both, to the same degree.

We all have the potential to swing either way on the pendulum. Luckily most of us don’t swing on the dark side or too often. However, most of us don’t wish to accept our dark side or even see it at all and that is when we find ourselves in trouble, unbeknownst to us, at least initially.

You see, the dark side is still an aspect of your soul and if you resist it, it will eventually catch up with you. There’s a saying, "what you resist, persists.”

Similarly, what you resist is what you repress, denounce, avoid, deny. Example: you might not admit or even know that you’re a rageaholic, a term the author John Bradshaw used to describe himself in past. Furthermore, you may be an alcoholic portraying all the classic symptoms and be a violent one at that! Then you hit bottom.

Your hitting bottom may be experienced as the ‘dark night of the soul’ that Thomas Moore and others write about.

I have experienced this dark night, rather dark nights of the soul, an arduous journey that I so desperately wanted to run away and hide from, but it was too deep, way too deep for me to even climb out of it. It felt like an abyss, so dismal and dark.

This experience is not for the faint of heart and is certainly not a fun place to be in or live from. I don’t recommend it. However, it may be a necessary obstacle to overcome in order to balance amd assimilate our light(er) side, and come to terms with ourselves, both the light and the dark, these polar aspects of our soul.

Think of the light side as your essence, your true essence. Some of you may have questioned – I did! – after my posting on the riot’s aftermath – what has this (riot) to do with ‘expressing your essence?’ (as that is currently part of my blog name, albeit I’m considering changing it). Good question! I’m glad you asked! ; )

Well, it is about that which I just wrote. And it is also about the importance of expressing your essence, in this case your emotions – so-called ‘good’ and ‘bad’ (as there’s really no such thing, that’s just human labeling) in a healthy way. If all the rioters, whether ‘die-hard’ hockey fans expressed their anger/frustrations in a ‘positive’ or healthy way, the riot would never have taken place.

Now I don’t know about you, but I have at times expressed my frustrations and anger in a not-always healthy and/or liked manner by the general public (i.e., those who were effected), and thus have asked the question: HOW does one express their anger and frustrations in a healthy way? Well again, thanks for asking! ; )

This is probably what drew me, in part, to study the expressive arts, perhaps on an unconscious or subconscious level.

Expressive arts therapy is a form of (psycho)therapy – I personally don’t care for that term – but it is – using Wikipedia as my source and perhaps a better explanation and more succinct than my own definition – described as follows: “Expressive therapy, also known as expressive arts therapy or creative arts therapy, is the use of the creative arts as a form of therapy. Unlike traditional art expressions, the process of creation is emphasized rather than the final product. Expressive therapy is predicated on the assumption that people can heal through use of imagination and the various forms of creative expression.”

I love that expressive arts therapy can heal people through the use of imagination and I also love that it focuses more on the creative process rather than the final product. If you read my bio, you would know that I have a passion for the creative and performing arts which is another reason why expressive arts therapy appealed to me.

The creative forms I studied included the visual arts (primarily painting), sound, movement, clowning, psychodrama, mask making, clay, poetry, and fairytales. Through these various mediums, I was able to at times channel my energy including anger and frustration. (Groups always trigger emotions!)

I learned to express these emotions in a healthy way that is considered acceptable to society, i.e., harmless. Now I know I may be a bit of a rebel at times (not in a bad way per se, more like playing devil’s advocate), but there comes a point when I need to be reasonable and follow the guidelines of acceptability, aka conformity, for a host of reasons. (You’ll understand more when I write about this topic in future. It relates to what I believe my purpose is.)

There are numerous ways to express yourself not limited to the (art) modalities I mentioned above: you can exercise, play sports, vent/shout/swear/scream (sometimes preferably in a pillow or something or else someone may either call 911 and/or think you’re crazy unfortunately), and the like.

But what about before a situation or temper gets out of control? What about curbing anger and frustration in the first place? Any way to express yourself healthily can be a great outlet in letting off steam. Such ways may include playing a musical instrument, singing, meditating, yoga, walking/hiking and the like in nature, and talking things out with someone you love and/or the person(s) you are having challenges with in a respectful manner. Blab if need be instead of blowing up. Get things in control before they become out of control, right?!

And accept yourself just the way you are with both your ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sides. However, focus on the light, your light, and let that light shine, your light shine like the song" "This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine..."

p.s. Photo on the right is courtesy of Ray Van Eng (www.vancouver21.com). The one at the far right with me in it is the only one I seemed to have as I apparently misplaced (deleted?) some beautiful close-up photos that I had taken of the lit Olympic cauldron from above. When I saw it (lit at night) the song, "This Little Light of Mine" came to mind. Something of beauty, of remembering my light came to mind when I saw its majestic beauty and I was in awe of this.

Aftermath of an Almost Glorious Victory

Are we so disconnected as a society that we feel that the best way to connect with others is through hockey? For example, dressing up in the city's hockey jerseys or even all in green, one of the team's colours? Or feeling the need to bond over beer and a sport as violent as hockey?

Do we as a city not have more soul and depth? Or are we artificial beings relating on a superficial level?

Some people may hate me for asking those questions, as well as when I say that I have never liked hockey and find it a violent sport, not to mention boring as a male in my choir attested to. It seems to have become more violent over the years and even off the ice as, unfortunately, we witnessed last night.

And at times like that I hate hockey. Yes, you heard me right. Not only because of the riot but because the city caters to hockey fans so much so that I hear rambunctious stereo sound when I travel the streets or when, last night, I sat with a friend outside trying to enjoy some dinner. I didn’t want any part of it. I wasn’t interested!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not a total ..... (fill-in-the-blank here with your choice word). I would have loved for the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup. We were so close.

However, would it have made any difference if we won? The riot may have occurred anyway. Just an excuse for some people to cause mayhem damaging private property and hurting people in the process. I don’t really care to share the details here. If you want them, check out the newspapers or online. (However, remember this if you do, what you focus on expands.)

Did we learn anything from the riot in ’94? It seems not. It’s no wonder that Vancouver was declared a ‘no fun’ city for quite some time, i.e., years afterwards. Things were starting to happen again to bring Vancouver on the map again, but maybe we’ll go back to square one in this case.

My hope and prayer for Vancouver at this time is that we find peace. One way is through healthy and safe expression of emotions. Another is to find acceptance. Accept things just as they are. If we were to accept our hockey team’s loss with dignity as the team did, none of this violent aftermath would have occurred.

If we want peace, we must be peace. Thus, if we want peace in the world, we need to find peace within ourselves.

What does the condition of Vancouver, let alone the world say about our inner world? Because what we see and experience is a reflection of us, both as individuals and as a community or society.

Signs of Cards and Butterflies

A card from the ‘Cards of Life' deck (created by Anne Marie Evers, known for her affirmations), that I use as a daily theme came up with a 'Relationships' card yesterday. It features a picture of a woman holding an infant in her arms. Whenever I see this card, I think ‘nurturing’ or taking care of myself.

Well, I didn’t quite follow that wise guidance, as I was busy doing laundry and doing some shopping errands. As I had a bad headache and the urge to rest came over me, did I listen? Noooo! Silly me! And what happened as a result? My headache worsened and eventually I ended up getting sick, if you know what I mean (won’t say here but you can imagine).

Today’s card was ‘Spiritual Growth’ featuring two doves facing opposite with an olive branch (?) in their beaks, holding onto the same branch. Though I usually think a lesson of some sort to learn and is usually if not always the case, today I also thought of peace, something that would give me or bring me to peace or a lesson that I need to learn in order to grow spiritually.

This time the lesson brought to my mind was listening or rather trusting my intuition. It is always right. Always! Yes, always! I just don’t always listen to it – silly me! – and why is that? My ego obviously must get in the way or else I would heed it all the time.

In the afternoon, I noticed another possible so-called sign from my window that came in the form of a yellow butterfly fluttering in the backyard. According to one source on Wikipedia, there used to be a belief that the butterfly symbolized a departed soul. Well, that would be very appropo considering the mediumship workshop that I had just attended; I wanted to learn how to connect with my dead twin sister.

I know butterflies can also symbolize transformation or metamorphosis and I suspect that is what I have recently been and will be undergoing as my attitude has shifted or rather adjusted about a particular issue. And I have, as a result, been witnessing a certain happenstance, i.e., chance circumstance) of joy and miracles. Times when I have been 'anchoring' joy (based on an NLP technique) and even performing a little happy dance! (See next blog about more details on this).

Just very shortly after finishing this last sentence, another butterfly appears. Well, I have rarely seen butterflies since I moved here so I think this is cool and perhaps a sign that I am indeed undergoing a change of sorts. Hopefully for the better! ; ) Another butterfly, the third of the day, graced me with its presence awhile later.

This is what happens when you listen to Spirit and heed its advice or guidance: this time in the form of intuition that had me stay home to rest as I woke up again with quite a bad headache. (Normally I would force myself to go to work and feel worse as a result.)

Well, butterflies or not, I am finally feeling better and now need to rest up for work tomorrow. Good night!

Double Whammy!!

Interesting! Interesting synchronicities!

Just a couple that I’ve experienced, one within a week, one within a few days...is time speeding up, or what?!

Firstly, on MSN online today (the day that I posted this), I see 'Weirdest monuments in America' with Peanuts statues at Saint Paul displayed.

This only a week after a choir performance at the Kay Meek Centre in West Vancouver. One of the pieces the 'Burstin’ with Broadway' choir sang then was 'Beethoven Day' from the musical, You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown featuring Schroeder and Lucy from the Peanuts comic strip by Charles Schultz.
Lo and behold, what did I see on the home page but a picture of bronze statues resembling Schroeder and Lucy! Schroeder at the piano and Lucy in her usual pose leaning against the piano. (Forgive me as I couldn’t separate or delete the other attached picture. Ignore that one if you can! ; ))

When I clicked on the link of the photo above, a picture of a bronze Patty kicking a ball with the following blurb below:

Though he lived the majority of his life in northern California, "Peanuts" cartoon creator Charles Schulz was born and raised in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area. For four consecutive years after his death in 2000, the cities staged tributes to Schulz by placing five-foot tall fibreglass statues of Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Lucy and Linus in dozens of locations. Those statues were auctioned off at the exhibitions' end, meanwhile several permanent, bronze statues were installed to fill the void. The best cluster of these bronze statues featuring Charlie, Schroeder, Lucy, Linus, Sally, Patty, Marcie and Woodstock are in neighbouring Rice and Landmark Parks in downtown Saint Paul.

Secondly, within two days (of the 'North Shore News' being published), though actually three – same day as the synchronicity above occurred – when I saw this, in Friday June 3rd’s edition, there was on the top of page A3 a headline, entitled “New course is the bee’s knees.”

Well, what was so interesting about that is that I had NEVER EVER heard of nor seen that expression before until Wednesday when I came upon a card that said "You're the bee's knees” as part of the greeting. I asked a few people if they knew what it meant and most people didn’t know. I later discovered it means "the greatest" or along the lines of being sweet.

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo (theme of the Twilight Zone?)

Well, what is God/Spirit/The Universe (whatever name you wish to call it) trying to tell me? That I can manifest miracles and magic again (like I used to quite well)? Or to believe in miracles? Or to have faith? Or to trust my intuition? Or to trust myself? Or any of the above? Or all of the above? (I couldn’t resist adding the last two questions as it reminded me of tests at school! ; ) Didn’t you hate those types of questions?)

Anyway, this all occurred on a day when I returned from a mediumship workshop. I felt strongly compelled to undertake this because of my desire to connect with my dead twin sister, especially when I’ve been told by clairvoyants and the like in the past that she is with me often and is my twin flame.

So, I could rightly analyze all this and go into my ego mind. Or, better yet, I can go into my heart and just acknowledge and be grateful that these so-called, albeit small, miracles happen. And, of course, I can be amused at such particular occurrences, that is, the details or nature of them if they're funny (like above).

By the way, if any of you reading this think I took the trouble to research this and copy and paste just for the sake of creating this blog, forget it! I didn’t. This actually happened. And I love it when it does! Yeah! : )

I purposely posted it as a draft to prove that I found this a week after Burstin' with Broadway's show. What are the synchronicities happening in your life? Do you validate them by expressing gratitude (whether silently or out loud)? Do you honour them or ignore them, attributing them as rubbish, nonsense, foolishness, or the like?

Are there synchronicities that you experience that you may coin 'coincidences' (like I used to call them)?

Part 2: The Call to Write

In my last posting I referred to my passion of writing. I actually told a lie, a white lie. Now I’m generally an honest person – I’m not perfect! – but let me explain, and bear with me while I do so!

The part that I lied about is that I didn’t admit that my writing is not only my passion, but is also possibly a gift, a divine gift, my divine gift. I know, I know, I can’t believe it either! However, it was channelled through Baljit Rayat, an intuitive soul coach, that it would be best and in my highest good to be writing. She can literally 'see' into your soul. ; ) (My interpretation.)

I felt that to not share my truth, this truth, would be a dishonour and disservice not only to myself, but also to others, most of all to my twin (even though she's dead). She apparently graces me with words that I get intuitively. Yes, I know. I realize this may sound crazy and woo woo especially since she is gone. However, I know that I am indeed graced at times with Spirit when my fingers fly over a keyboard or my pen glides across the page, I can hardly keep up. Some may call this channeling. Perhaps it is. At this time, I prefer to refer to it as being guided, divinely guided or graced by Spirit, i.e., being inspired.

And yet, I also remember times, for example in my expressive arts therapy classes when writing poetry, that the words did not come out smoothly at all and land on the page in a way I had hoped or anticipated. Instead, the words stuck like glue, or gum, which made it challenging for me to articulate them as they tumbled out awkwardly from my mouth.

Or for instance when I was in a poetry workshop and my mind would go utterly blank. I was stupefied! Perhaps it was sharing my personal writings with people present as witnesses and/or critiques. Anyone else feel that way about their poetry or other writings? It may have been due to anxiety while performing under pressure, i.e., forcing poems into existence and not feeling inspired as a result. Or this in combination while simultaneously having people present. Who knows?

Then again I am reminded of an incident many years ago, when Shared Vision breakfast seminars were the norm in Vancouver. One time I had asked one of the speakers whom I believe was a psychic what I needed to do, as I felt stabbed in the heart with work that I was doing. I was informed that I should write and to post an ad in the paper. Well! I was shocked and didn’t believe the man because after all who was I to be a writer? I had never published anything, didn’t have my own business, no degree, and so on.

So when this extremely gifted woman also being an 'intuitionist' - my term - told me this, I believed her. This time I did. Because after all I’ve heard it’s best to pay attention, especially, if Spirit speaks to you three times, and perhaps even twice! Once “should be” enough though, right? Not for little miss stubborn old me! ; )

I also believed her because since then I had written a lot more stuff, though still yet unpublished, including my blogging which I had since started. By then, I knew that a number of my pieces were not coming from me directly. One piece stands out in my mind which I may share another time (to shorten this posting).

Writing is for sure a passion of mine amongst many passions that I have, that fall in the category of the creative and expressive arts. That basically includes writing, singing, dancing, and acting – did I miss any? I often introduce myself – on paper or screen – as a "poet, writer, singer, dancer, and actor at heart" or along those lines, though not necessarily in that order.

I didn’t want to state my truth above but felt the need to be honest, to come clean, and honour it. I didn't want to because I didn’t and still don't consider myself a writer, at least a professional writer. I haven’t published anything (yet) and only write creatively. At least, that is if I understand the definition of a professional writer. I’m still getting used to myself in that way, that is calling myself a writer.

As I alluded to in my last posting, I’m not a perfect writer - is there even such a thing, really?! - even though I get words a lot intuitively. I write because I love to write but I realized the reason or rather, reasons why, and more importantly the root reason. Do you want to know? Would you like me to tell you?

Well, I write for copious reasons:

I am quite imaginative. (I would love to say 'extremely' but then you might have high expectations of me and I don't wish to fail you!) I consider myself an ‘ideas’ person as I have a cornucopia of them and sometimes jot those ideas (and/or words that I get as mentioned above). Sometimes they are simply a title for a poem for example, even before the poem takes form.

I write, in part, because as I mentioned, I receive words intuitively a lot of the time and I feel like I’m supposed to do something with them. You might say that I feel drawn or 'called' to write! That would make a cool title. In fact, that’s how it works. One word or idea leads to another and then lends itself to more.

I am also very creative and love words. (Again, I would prefer to use the word 'extremely' but don't wish to disappoint you.) Love to create with words, love to make up words (which I do from time to time, like the word 'dishonour-ment' which I was considering using in this posting), love the sound and feel of words on my skin. No, just kiddin.’

Though perhaps I may feel them ‘under my skin,’ I was actually making that up, i.e., ‘on my skin’ as I was playing with words which I also love to do.

What I meant to say was ‘...love the sound and feel of words in my ear’ like Sanskrit, an ancient East Indian language. One reason why I love singing chants as well as the feeling of devotion when doing so. But I’m going off on a tangent here.

I also write because I love to read and hope that others will enjoy reading my words and what I have to say. I would love to empower others with my words, including these printed words. Of inconsequential importance is that I am a detailed person and thus am a great proofreader and editor, as well as being an excellent speller. LOL (I initially typed 'beign' but luckily caught myself! ; ) But more so, more importantly, I write because it’s fun. I enjoy it! In fact, I love it!

Another reason and at the crux of all this is that it is a way for me to express myself. At the deepest core is this (reason): I have the ability to express myself in (1) my own way and (2) safely without being edited. I can express myself freely and with ease.

Related to this is that I feel the urge to express myself and this is one of the vehicles I choose and use on a somewhat regular basis. I’d write more often, blog perhaps once a week but my schedule is quite busy with full-time work, choir (where we memorize the lyrics and music), volunteer work, and the like.

Through writing, I can also give voice to an opinion or share information, especially on important matters. It is a way to be heard, and hopefully understood.

Expressing myself AKA (also known as) self-expression is the heart of why I write and why, most importantly, I love writing, creative writing that is. I write because it's fun. I enjoy it. In fact, I love it!

At work I also write, but it’s a different animal altogether. Totally! But I’m not going to write about that, at least not here. Not now anyway!

Now I’d like to suggest that once you find your gift(s) and/or passion(s) to honour it/them. As I’m writing this now, I think of the hiding-under-the-bushel parable that Jesus shared about gifts or talents. And I know this was an inspirational thought! (Thank you angel!)

Words escape me now as I think that thought distracted me so I think it’s time to end. It’s also late and past my bedtime.

p.s. By the way, I took the photo above in relation to my last blog posting when I was struggling with paragraph order. I felt somewhat the same way with this posting and was considering doing the same, but didn’t! But it is a strategy that I can use again though this was the first time. Honest! ; )

Part 1: To Write or 'Write' ... Right?

I’m sure you, like me, have written a lot of things. And perhaps similar to a lot of what I have done.

When I think of all the writing I’ve done, I’ve written a lot (in somewhat chronological order, except for my poetry which I started at about age 18 or 19):

notes
cards
correspondence
diaries/journals
projects
book reviews
essays
critiques
reports
assignments
presentations
exams
resumes
letters (including a number of political and editorial)
applications
forms (such as for employment and for research grants)
medical/scientific research papers
job evaluations
stats
meeting minutes
year-end reports
articles
proposals
synopsis
blurbs
advertisements
endorsements
testimonials
poetry (including some limericks and odes, and attempts at haiku)
scripts (of monologues and dialogues)
lyrics (including rap – that was fun!)
children’s story (or two and my foray into an adventure story/book in grade 3)
a workshop
emails
press releases
taglines/captions
a blog

... and ideas (for poems, stories, books, business cards and businesses, jokes, and even for my dream). Does broadcasting, instant messaging, and texting count? ; } And I hope to add at least one book to this repetoire, one day...soon?

I’m always communicating as we all do. Obviously, other than with body language, I do so with words, verbally or in written form. However, I also occasionally experiment with telepathic communication. Does anyone else? ; ) (Just curious.)

Words, these words, where do they come from? Do they just pop onto the page? Are they forced from my fingers onto a computer or page? Are they imagined or projected onto another’s mind like a screen, or not? Do they appear seemingly out of nowhere, like magic?

I used to struggle - actually still do - a lot with finding the right word(s). LOL. This is one example. Should it be ‘word’ or ‘words'? (Actually in this case, I think it’s both!) The right words or phrase to capture the essence, the feeling, the emotion, the experience. I endeavour to capture perfection in doing so. But I can also write, and have written, in the flow.

Sometimes though, I don’t capture words on time, especially when in the flow as happened with my blog. In one instance, I accidentally erased an inspired piece of prose - it was a masterpiece - before I could transfer it to my blog. Ouch! That hurt!

I used to think that I didn’t think these words, but I must. However, they usually ‘show up’ as one word. Yessss! One. Word. Only. One...word. Sometimes though, a phrase or a few lines from the etheric realm (or wherever) grace me in the form of poetry. This is so erratic in comparison.

For the most part, I don’t “force” my poetry unless, say, I’m at a poetry workshop and my mind is blank. Or when I sit down to write a bunch of poems which I did one day (and one day only!). Otherwise I write poetry or snippets of it (only) when inspired.

Yet for me, words come intuitively, a lot. They come to me like books. Books show up without me having to hunt for them. But with words, I don’t see nor hear them. I just ‘get’ them claircognizantly. It is immediate, spontaneous, out-of-the-blue, from the ethers. And at times, I have a vague sense of the definition and consult a dictionary or computer!

Despite this, I’m not a perfect writer. By no means. I’m honoured to be favoured or graced with this passion and am extremely grateful and appreciative of that.

Gratitude (though sometimes with an accompanying 'knowing' smirk on my face) also occurs when, oftentimes, I think or ‘get’ a word or phrase before it tumbles out of a person’s mouth, whether a speaker, colleague, family member, or friend - anyone for that matter.

I also appreciate occasionally hearing music or a beat in terms of writing lyrics or in the case of my one-time rap tribute.

These experiences make me realize that intuition is really at work and I am truly inspired in those moments. I LOVE when that happens!

Does anyone else experience any of this? I’d really like to know, truly! And pray tell, what are your experiences with words? And writing? I’d love to hear. : ) Please ... and thank you, kindly.

Blogging Switch

p.s. I just saved a new posting which I had accidentally saved in my drafts before my posting entitled 'Your Heart's Desires.

Thus, please read 'Passion into Action' which is below it and was meant to be posted today. It is my first attempt at using video on my blog and I do hope you can all see it. Make sure you see it in its entirety. It's worth it!

Hopefully soon and/or once I get technie enough, I'm hoping to switch my blog over to another site. In the meantime, I am open to your feedback - what do you like and what can I improve on? Feel free to make suggestions on how I can better the look and feel of my blog.

If you do make any such comments, I may save that feedback, elsewhere, as notes to refer to and delete it from the blog postings or not depending what it looks like. I'll see how things go. Thanks kindly, in advance. : )

Your Heart's Desires

"What is the cost of not fulfilling your heart’s desires?" That was the question posed by a facilitator at the Women’s Spirituality Conference I attended about a month ago and her question struck me deep.

Actually the concept of heart’s desires was first introduced to me by a man I met a number of years ago who asked me, “What are your heart’s desires?” Let me tell you, I’ve been contemplating that question (though in different words) for a very long time even before meeting him.

So I ask you, what is the cost of not fulfilling your goals, and, more importantly, your dreams?

For me, a question that I find relevant is: "What is the cost of not speaking my truth? Not being true to myself: true to my essence, my pure light of being, my Christ consciousness (as some would say)?" You could ask yourself similarly (if you wish, of course!).

I also ask myself: "What is the goal of life if not to fulfill your calling, your path, your journey, your mission? Sharing your talents and gifts with each other and ultimately the world?" At least, that’s the way I see it.

For example, a part of me would like to have a place of my own. I don’t mean just living on my own (as I do now), but to truly have a place that is mine. And with things that represent me, but again more importantly, for stability and peace of mind., at least in terms of not having to move from place to place, time and time again. I mean how many moves and people’s time and energy do I want to invest in that?!

I’m not in want of a huge place. I wouldn’t even want such a home unless I was rich and could afford a maid and/or gardener! Just enough room for my stuff and to move and dance freely. That is all, all I ask for. Is that too much?

Realistically speaking though, I am just over 50 years of age. Do I really want to put all my money into a home paying for it the rest of my life? And who knows how long I could live in it and/or take care of it anyway.

Furthermore, I believe my path is contrary to an ordinary, more common or popular way of life. That is why I think I need to live by example when I live my dream. This is important to me. And this is why I feel I’m not "supposed" to own a home. I believe it’s not conducive to my Higher Self or my calling. (Though who knows, I could be wrong!)

I believe my soul would rather live my higher calling, and in essence, that is to be of service to people. Within this is my dream that I would like to fulfill. This requires me to concentrate my attention and energies to it. I wrote about it – my dream – in my first two blogs and would love for you to read them. Besides, otherwise this posting could be a lot longer! ; )

So, what are your heart’s desires? What would happen if they were fulfilled? Or not? How would you feel? Ponder these questions till my next posting and I’ll do the same.

Contests and Competition

I HATE competition! Ok, strong word I realize. Perhaps you prefer detest, despise, loathe or the like. No matter, because hate is the word that accurately describes my feelings about this issue.

Why do we live in such a competitive world where the fastest, most beautiful, sexiest, popular individuals are determined to be superior than others? And thrive or seem to.

Where did competitiveness originate? Did someone invent competitions (and thus the spirit of competitiveness), and, more importantly why...what's the point?

We are bombarded with the competitive spirit daily – through sports including the Olympics, award shows (like the Oscars), talent shows (like American Idol), etc. – in the media, especially on TV and even the internet – look at the list of friends on people’s Facebook page online. Do some people really have 500 friends or more?! I mean, really!

Even though I know a lot of people through various employment, volunteer, education, and community and social events over the years, I still don’t have to have – or want – tons of so-called friends on Facebook or any other social media for that matter. (Perhaps if I had my own business, I might care to have a wealthy network of contacts, but that’s an entirely different matter.)

I can hardly keep up with a few friends in terms of my busy schedule, yet alone emails. I used to love email when it first came out. What a novelty! Now I face the daunting task of choosing which ones to open up and answer. Who has time for that?

The race to compete starts as young as childhood being compared with siblings or relatives or friends (at home); through spelling bees, grades, scholarships (at school); growing into adolescence with peer pressure through friends, social status, clothes; and into adulthood with family, earnings, promotions, assets (house, vehicle), and 'toys' such as technology to cite some examples.

Another example of competitions are contests, that sometimes directly fuel the spirit of winning.

I recently entered one for the ‘Best Conversation Ever’ to have the opportunity to chat with someone of your choosing. Five Canadians would be chosen to win. (On a side note, aren’t we all winners for one reason or another, even in the game of life?)

This is what I wrote: Who immediately came to mind to have the best chat ever with is President Obama.

I would love to, be honoured and delighted and thrilled to speak to this amazing man.

What makes President Obama tick, other than his beautiful wife and children of course!?

How does he make decisions? What inspires him? How does he keep so amazingly calm and steadfast amongst tumultuous storms in political and worldly affairs?

What kinds of books does he love to read? What does he write other than the books he wrote?

I'd also like to discuss spiritual matters, matters of the heart, that are at the core of everyday life, like peace.

During his inauguration, Obama exuded such a quiet and gentle strength that oozed out of him as poise and confidence. His speech was eloquent, yet simple and sincere. I was SO happy when he became President even though I didn't know anything about him. It was just something that I noticed, that I felt.

When I remember, I pray for him and his family. Now, I don't normally do this for Presidents! But Obama, well, he is an exception indeed! And I would love to speak with this wonderful man, this exceptional human being.

Now I know my writing was not the best or would even be deemed as popular (at least in terms of votes) as I wrote this rather quickly, realizing it was the last day of the contest and I was on a relatively tight deadline having other commitments that day.

And I also know that I didn’t say what the true spiritual matters were that I wanted to discuss as I didn’t feel right or ‘safe’ enough to express online. Instead I wrote ‘peace’ as neutral ground. What I felt compelled to ask about was his knowledge of the ‘new kids on the block’ so to speak, including his children most likely.

This contest where I could interview him and ask such things ended up being more of a popularity contest as you needed to acquire (or score) as many votes as possible. I certainly didn’t expect to win this on such a basis. Well I’m not running for President so why should I care for votes or popularity! I just want to speak to the man: wasn’t that the (initial) intent of the contest?

Nevertheless, unbeknownst to the judges and viewers (voters/deciders), I know my heart was sincere and pure in my asking. I mean, not only for the reasons I mention, but I really don’t have any idols in terms of media and the like (that I can think of). Well other than Oprah perhaps, but more for her ability to influence and make a difference in other peoples’ lives for the better and on such a grand scale. Obama would be the only other person that I consider truly inspirational on such a massive level in terms of worldly influence.

Speaking of which, when I was in grade five or six, I started reading biographies of famous people after my teacher read the story of Harriet Tubman. As a result of these stories, I remember thinking that one day I wanted to be famous. Ha! Who was I kidding? I realize now that is not necessarily what I wanted, though I thought it was at the time (and for the longest time).

What I really, really, truly wanted was (and still want is) the opportunity to make a difference in peoples’ lives: a big difference, a major one that would rock the world. (Okay I may be getting a little carried away here. You get the point.)

I’m still waiting to accomplish that, wondering what natural talents and gifts I possess that I can utilize to establish (profound) life-altering changes for others. Instead, for now (and for most of my life), I end up walking a lonely road taking the road less travelled by (as in Robert Frost’s poem) in order to try and achieve this. I’m still pondering as I do my best to pursue the guidance of my spirit. And contests, especially popularity ones, won't necessarily help me.

What are your views on competition? And who would you want to speak with and why? (No, just kidding. I don’t expect you to answer the latter question. That might appear to be combative or antagonistic, i.e., competitive in nature! ;)

At an Impasse

One early February morning a few weeks ago, as I’m riding the bus to work, I noticed a number of (new?) nests perched steadfastly on bare trees alongside a very busy Vancouver street. I’m reminded of the cycle of death and birth or rather death and rebirth, whether physically or metaphorically.

As the song title “All My Life’s a Circle” implies, these cycles continue throughout our lives. They come in forms such as the 24-hour day, the seasons, and so on. And one cycle I occasionally experience is feeling stuck in my life (as we all do from time to time).

I felt like I came to an impasse – that is the word that came to me – the past few months. I wondered if this was in correlation with my vision therapy which felt like it had come to a halt. Did my vision come at an impasse first or my life? Did one affect the other and vice versa? This was my guess. Robert-Michael Kaplan, my original vision therapist, concurred with my speculation.

Feeling stuck to me is like feeling dead. Being at an impasse made me feel somewhat dead, lifeless to some degree in not living fully (including my passions). This is unusual for me not only because I love to learn and grow – my favourite word growing up was potential - but also because most of my life (until a couple of years ago), I prayed the most feverous appeals to know and live my purpose, mission, and passions.

This urge, this hunger to know was the (pronounced as thee) most important thing to me, even more so than a loving, committed relationship which I desired (and still do). That intensity, that urge to know fueled my life and was a persistent lingering in the back of my mind. It rarely left me.

Somehow something happened to make this fuel disappear and I’m not sure what it was. Was it because I turned 50?

No, I still had it as I worked hard to launch a dream last summer. (I wrote about this in one of my earliest blogs. In essence, even though I spent seemingly every free minute on fulfilling this dream which entailed early mornings and very late evenings, I felt so alive like never before.)

Was it because I needed a break from life with my busyness of searching for a roommate for a couple of months, then deciding to move instead, and all that that decision entailed? It was certainly an intense and stressful period.

I don’t think it was necessarily any of these things.

Yet, something in me felt drawn to attend a writing group last night. I chose a card from a deck that ‘spoke’ to me. On the front was written, “Life is Always in Motion, so I cannot be stuck” while on the back were the words, “It is not possible to stand still or be stuck because Energy, and thus life, is always in motion. Things are always changing. The reason it may feel to you as if you are stuck is because while you are continuing to think the same thoughts, things are changing – but they are changing to the same thing over and over.”

‘Wow!, I thought, ‘How interesting!’ This card affirmed that life is a cycle not only with my thoughts, but also the results of my thoughts even if they are the same ones!

Of course I can look back and see what might have caused this standstill. However, in looking forward, the more important question here is: How can I get out of feeling stuck? Even though (according to the card), there’s no such thing as the outcomes are repeatedly the same.

In answering that question, I realized, or rather remembered, that it takes only one step, even just a baby step (forward) to feel unstuck. So my actions this week – auditioning for the third time in my life and attending a writing group (something that I’ve been wanting to do for some time) – helped to propel me onward in a positive direction.

These steps are moving me forward, incrementally, as they are calling me, pulling open my heart and body as I progress while pursuing my passions of the creative and performing arts. This for me is, indeed, a step in the right direction!

Now, my turn to ask you: How are you feeling with the way your life is going (or moving)? What direction have you taken? Are you at a crossroads? Feeling stuck? Or are you moving forward, even gradually, towards your dream(s)? What steps or actions are you taking?

I commend you if you are moving forward. But even if not, I commend you for being aware. For being aware is the first key to change. It is only then that you can take action, any action, even seemingly small to fulfill your heart’s desires and your soul’s purpose.

Come travel alongside me as we journey together…forward and onward. Ho!