Home is Where the Heart is

My main issue this month was finding suitable accommodation to house me and all my stuff including furniture which I have plenty of.

I tried everything or seemingly so: looking and posting on Craigs List and Kijiji, emailing my circle of friends and acquaintances – even on a social website – and posting up ads in lower, mid, and upper Lonsdale areas of North Vancouver as I wanted to stay on the North Shore, preferably North Vancouver because that is where my ‘home’ or heart dwells. Also, because of three alternate routes (SeaBus, Second Narrows or Lions Gate Bridge) to get to work rather than one if I lived in West Vancouver.

A major drawback I had was a lack of a vehicle. Sure I’d consider living almost anywhere otherwise, as it seemed that a lot of places in North Vancouver required one as bus accessibility is quite remote (think infrequent, especially the farther out like Deep Cove or the higher up like up the mountain).

I initially had a place as early as Oct. 1st when someone responded to an ad I posted online. It was with a woman same age as I who recently moved into a new townhouse development in Deep Cove with her pets, one of my favourite cats in particular. There was a student living in one of the rooms till the spring.

Even though there seemed to be a connection via email and phone, in person there was an awkwardness the two times I met her one week apart. Perhaps it was some trepidation on both our parts, me for feeling like I would be imposing on her space with all my stuff even though she had plenty of room and storage space. The second Friday I went to see the suite again, took some measurements, and gave her a damage deposit.

However, there was a nagging feeling that persisted throughout Thanksgiving weekend, especially thinking about the possibility of a brisk 5-minute walk through dark woods (from the higher road) or a desolate road (from the lower road) and the latter relatively uphill.

A friend called me and proceeded to tell me that I didn’t sound very happy about moving (which I attributed to stress and fatigue, though I realized she was right on afterthought). Another person mentioned ‘safety’ and my mind went on red alert again. Again, thinking about the dark woods and I’m usually quite a brave person. Though walking through dark woods at age 16 many moons ago perhaps is different from doing so in these times.

Then a miracle occurred on Thanksgiving Day. I received a call from a woman whose name I recognized (but didn’t question her) about a place approximately 10 blocks south and a few blocks east of where I lived. She had recently moved into a home and was looking for a tenant to share living space with her and her son who has an intellectual disability.

Only because I had someone visit me with a car did I consider taking a look, particularly since I lost (or so I thought at the time) my bus pass and it was a wet, cold, and dark evening. On top of that, I had a bit of a sore throat.

As soon as I saw the blue home from the outside it felt like an oasis with the house and garden partially tucked in the neighbourhood in a slight curve on the road. There was instant recognition as soon as she opened the door. I had met her a number of years ago at a networking and/or workshop event(s).

I liked this woman immediately when I met her then and still do. She is an older, very creative and intuitive woman. I thought I would get along well with her and her son splendidly too. Her son was extremely sweet and kind offering me slippers as refuge from the cold floor and he was an artist to boot!

Her home was very colourful with bright painted walls and her son’s artwork. Even her kitchen was a nice blue-grey tone and there were one or two glass stained windows as well. There was even a gas fireplace.

I knew immediately when I saw the upper room that was painted a light blue that this was it! Spacious, bright, with big windows and French doors overlooking the porch and garden at back facing west and south which I preferred.

Interestingly enough she didn’t have a couch and there would be enough space to house my furniture, which was ideal. Furthermore, she hadn’t had phone/internet connection yet and I knew I could provide her with a wonderfully priced package as I had with a certain provider.

I told her ‘Yes!’ as all the walls including the chalkboard wall in her kitchen – ideal for writing poetry and songs on my end – seemed to be screaming so. She suggested we both ‘sleep on it’ and I did but knew I didn’t need to.

The next day I accidentally dialled the woman in Deep Cove to tell her that I didn’t feel right about her place, didn’t feel safe, too far, need a car (that rhymes but is true) and then phoned this other woman. Well, when I did so, I was told the news that her daughter was going to be moving back. I felt devastated as other than the single-paned windows, I loved her home and felt I would be happy there.

I missed choir rehearsal that evening and generally never do unless I’m sick. Singing can be a great distracter at times, but this time I felt I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. Usually if I can’t sing or dance, I’m either sick or depressed.

Then house #3…three being my number in life so it seems. This one came spontaneously as I phoned her in response to an ad I saw online. After awhile the ads and numbers all seem to blur as I sometimes would call the same # about a different ad or even the same one!

Though she described the place to me by phone she kept persisting that I see it. I didn’t think I would because it was a studio (bachelor) and I preferred a 1 bedroom or even a 1 bedroom plus den or 2-bedroom suite! (Remember? To house all my furniture and stuff!)

Well I decided to go see it with a friend along with another suite. One was basement level and did not have any view at all as the windows faced towards the other home or concrete wall and was too high up. An immediate ‘no’ came up for me.

Then I saw her house. As soon as I saw the beautiful red maple or Japanese tree and pine tree at front and other trees surrounding her home, garden, and neighbours, I felt ‘this was it’ (intuitively) and told my friend. It seemed like an oasis much like where I was living then as I entered the front gate with various trees greeting me.

Then when I saw the trees all around at the back lining the green, weedless yard and heard the water below, I fell in love with it even more. The suite itself was intriguing. Big double-paned windows allowing a lot of natural light to come in to a large room with a fireplace. The kitchen area and bathroom were on the other side of the main room.

The place had character as well as potential. I sensed that it could be an extremely creative place or rather, the ability to tap into my creativity. I was imagining what furniture would go where when she asked me if I would like to keep the piano, rather store it for someone for awhile. It is a beautiful wood-grained piano (not sure what kind) and a cushioned bench. I love wood not to mention trees as well...go figure!

I was ecstatic when I decided to forego my bed for this beautiful piece of furniture if I can call it that. Not only did I want to relearn the piano, I preferred to play on one too. All the keys are present with real touch (of finger pressure) and real sound too.

Wow! Was I lucky or what?!

Long story short...almost didn’t happen but I was glad to heed this woman’s intuition (as she later informed me) and me keeping in tune with my intuition as well.

A Tribute to David: Connection with a Stranger

I’ve had a lot going on in my life to deal since about end August when one of my two roommates moved out (as she was getting married.) Needless to say, there have been some miraculous moments and wonderful connections as well.

For instance, there was a native man who introduced himself to me - at the end of our conversation on the skytrain - as my favourite male name, David (which means Beloved).

He spontaneously asked me if I had children. And then proceeded to tell me to never have them be drug addicts. We started conversing and I felt such compassion for this man that my troubles though seemingly daunting, in those few minutes seemed so small.

I didn’t share my problems with him as I normally would have in past. I held my tongue for it didn’t seem the time or the matter. It seemed to be important that he speak and share his pain with me.

I saw it in his face as he tightened his jaw and clenched his teeth. I felt compelled to tell him not to grind his teeth.

It looked like he was close to tears but instead he clenched his jaw. David said, "I put on a happy face but sometimes I break down, usually when I’m alone." I told him that it is okay to be sad and cry, no matter who’s around you, we’re human. And I went on to say that I cry in public. It’s better to express it than hold it in. Then a few small tears came to both my eyes.

He was concerned that he pained me in some way. I reassured him that he didn’t, though may have picked up some of his energy of pain. I think I was so moved by his sharing that I was deeply touched. Perhaps it was because this stranger revealed to me what may be considered a deep, dark, dirty secret, an intimate confidence to some.

It may also be knowing that "we all have problems" as he said, "suffer" as I would say, "we all have our crosses to bear" as my mom would say. And that with support and love and friendship that we can get through.

Though I offered to give him a number that he could call for help, I think I would have liked to have given him a hug. I wish now that perhaps I would have asked him. As I’m typing this, big tears – this time – are rolling down my cheeks. I think I’ll say a prayer instead for him and his child (son, daughter I do not know).

The skytrain stopped, seemed stuck for some time, a few minutes, and I think we both felt something from our brief exchange. It felt like a short cleansing of some sort at least for me and maybe for him, speaking our truth, sharing our pain, showing our true selves.

He departed stating something along the lines of our next potential meeting, that we could greet each other as a friend by name. Indeed, it feels like that. That I have made a new ‘friend’, an acquaintance with someone I can now greet by name in a sea of faces.

I realized again to be grateful for what I already have. There are always people with problems seemingly worse or better than our own. However, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to exchange my problems with someone else’s. I’m grateful for this chance encounter, this meeting with a stranger, now an acquaintance.

A Place to Call Home

This was the posting I had originally intended on Thanksgiving Monday as I have posted every other Monday as of late. Since writing this, I have discovered that this place may not be - available - after all. However, I will still share it in the hopes that it might help someone if they find themself in a similar circumstance or help me (perhaps manifest a new or ideal home if this isn’t the one ... something as good or even better, though this was almost perfect!).


Remember in my previous posting (if you read it…go ahead and read it now before this one!), that I spoke about patterns in life?

One of the patterns that my roommate and I experienced while searching for a third where I currently live was attracting people with a mental health disability and/or people who were affiliated, for example working in the field. We were also attracting responses from really young people, from late teens to early 20’s, mostly males. And people from other countries.

Well? “What about it?” you might ask. Well, I think the universe has a sense of humour at times because it seems like this time I attracted a three-in-one package deal! Let me explain.

As my roommate recently gave notice to move as we were having difficulty finding a roommate to share this big bright house, I decided to as well as I had enough of weeds, cold, and ants. I wanted my ideal place to call ‘home.’

I discovered one place that I felt was ideal as it met most of the conditions except for one major one: the area in terms of transportation primarily to and from work, as well as choir rehearsal and community events that I attend (often as a volunteer). Otherwise it was perfect. New, clean, double-paned windows, a woman same age and single as I, and pets (including my favourite cat), near nature (trees and water).

However, I decided to repost my Craigs List ad Friday morning and keep it posted even though I had given a cheque for the damage deposit after work that same day. Was that my intuition at work? I did feel a little off about the decision though not sure 100% why. I think a possible feeling of isolation and safety (in terms of the bus routes) were the concerns I had.

The feelings persisted all during the long weekend and particularly when two people made a comment that raised a red flag for me in my mind as if in warning. One was that I didn’t seem happy about my potential move. The other was the word ‘safety’ and I’m generally a courageous person walking in the dark and through woods (well, when I was in my mid-teens anyway). However, there are no lights in these woods so it is potentially very dark at night. At a brisk pace, it is a good five-minute walk out of the woods in broad daylight.

On Thanksgiving Day, I received a call from a woman late afternoon whom I had originally met at a workshop and/or networking group a number of years ago. She happens to live in the same neighbourhood (about 10 blocks south of where I currently live) and is originally from another country. She also happens to have a child with an intellectual health disability who is male and young (early 20’s). Sound familiar? This is the pattern I was referring to earlier.

A friend who joined me to see the home said the word 'cozy' when we first saw the house from the street. I loved the look of the house from the outside immediately including the colour (blue, my favourite), and the garden and porch at front even before I walked in.

She very recently moved into this lovely home on a curve of a road slightly tucked away with a front yard with trees and bushes seemingly protective of her dwelling. Her home is beautiful, bright, cheery, ‘natural’ (lots of wood including attractive hardwood floors and wooden beams downstairs), with an oasis of a garden both at the front and the back. It has the look and feel of a sanctuary and I fell in love with it instantly.

I love everything about the home that I saw except for the single-paned windows. However, that can be remedied by plastic and/or other means to deal with it, like socks and slippers, sweaters, and blankets.

I was given a choice of a potential bedroom which I thought was pretty neat. My preference was the pretty, light-blue bedroom upstairs with south-facing French doors greeting the porch at back and a window facing west where more natural and bright light can enter. (My soul needs a lot of light.) The main common living space upstairs has windows too including one facing west that has a lovely stained glass window. This house has character and personality from the natural wood and beautiful wooden floors (which I prefer over carpeting) including the wooden beams downstairs, to the stained glass windows and built-in bookshelf, to the gas fireplace to the chalkboard wall. Now that is a pretty sweet deal!

I can actually write notes to her/her son/myself AND most fun of all poetry and/or songs if there's room while the owner writes stories as she is a storyteller! Then there’s the back garden and patio outdoors (where I can hang laundry as I notice she does too).

The home is bright and cheerful with painted walls of various hues instead of traditional – and boring – sterile (institutionalized), off-white or shell walls. The vivacious colours of the home reminds me that my potential roommate (owner of the home) and I share a desire for beauty and colour as I notice she too has colourful dishes (original mugs/cups made in Italy for example, not manufactured as clones like an assembly line).

That really appeals to my sense of beauty that my soul requires as well. The place including garden at front and back is inspiring and that is what I ideally prefer to have in my new home, a place to create and a feeling of inspiration to do so.

I prefer to create a place called 'home' that is a sanctuary and haven for both her and I that meet and match both our needs. My heart and spirit knows and feels this is an ideal place for me and my soul to be safe and feel nurtured.

I am truly grateful for her timely and synchronistic call. If it wasn’t for my friend visiting, I may not have gone out in the rain and cold down the hill and back by foot (as I misplaced my bus pass and had a bit of a sore throat).

So indeed this is a thanksgiving for me to be giving thanks...for all that I have...abundance, friendships, food, laughter, joy, a light heart, beauty, colour, a potentially bright and homey place to call ‘home.’ Ah (sigh). Relief! And joy and gladness and … GRATITUDE!


Unfortunately, since the writing of this post, this place may not be available if her daugher moves in. Apparently she wants to return to stay with her mom. I just have to trust and have faith that whatever will be, will be (que sera, sera).

There I go again, needing to relearn the lesson(s) so I don’t have to repeat them and learn the hard way.

The lesson in all this for me expressed succinctly is as follows: trust and follow my intuition as it heeds me all along! I need to pay more attention to it instead of coming from a place of fear and lack, rather than trust and abundance which the universe is.

I believe I was trying to force myself into the situation, talking myself into it, justifying and defending what I thought was meant to be. I need to remember that in order to find a place called home, I need to tune in to my ‘home’ (my heart chakra/intuition).


I will probably reconnect with you readers (thank you for being that) sometime after my move next month, not necessarily Mon. Oct. 25th or the week thereof. I shall see how things go. Hopefully I will share a magically magnificent miracle! I’m counting on one...NOW!

Till next time!

People Patterns and Life's Lessons

This past month and-a-half has been quite stressful, at times, extremely so for me. My roommate and I, mostly with my efforts at posting and reposting ads on craigslist, were in the search of a third roommate to share this big house we live in.

It has been an interesting process. We were initially attracting people with either a mental health disability or people who were affiliated somehow, like working in the field for example. We also attracted really young people, around age 19 to 21, mostly males. And the other pattern was people from overseas, like France, Ireland, and Australia, who wanted to work here for a certain period of time.

I was curious about all this. I thought, ‘What is happening that these patterns seem to recur?'

Now I do know about the law of attraction. By the way do you? If you’ve heard about or seen the movie ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne, you know what I’m talking about.

Michael Losier is also an expert - a local from Victoria - on the law of attraction, speaking professionally to groups about this (spiritual) principle. I recently re-heard him speak a few months ago after many years when I initially met him. It’s interesting how sometimes we need to re-hear a message before we get it or in order to re-learn and re-experience it, but in a different way.

You see, when I heard him speak recently I was relatively ‘on fire.’ At that time I was working on launching my co-creative children’s choir and was working on marketing in order to manifest or draw people to join. Actually, I should say recruit parents who would register their child(ren).

I know at times I can be what I call a ‘powerful manifestor’ as I have seen and experienced it many times in my life even for days and weeks at a time. However, recently with all the stresses (some not mentioned here) and lack of sleep in part because of it, I know I wasn’t at my best. This probably accounts for the turnout we had of potential roommates that declined or we did for one reason or another.

In the end, my roommate decided to move out because she was practically living at her work as a live-in caregiver. And for myself, I decided the same after she informed me of the news. The (main) reason: if it was challenging (enough) finding one roommate, did I want to bother finding another (two roommates in total)? A couple? Friends? No, definitely not!

If I had trusted myself, i.e., my intuition, I might have had the opportunity to live in this beautiful-looking place with what would work for me according to the advertisement I recently saw on craigslist. However, I didn’t and my roommate’s news came only a day later. If only! Too late now!

Thus, I highly recommend or admonish taking at least this one lesson from my experience: Always, always heed your intuition. Trust it. It guides you for a reason or reasons you may not know.

That’s interesting I say that now because I realize as I’m typing this that I felt guided to this home where I live (and have been for 1-1/2 years). That’s another story! But I’m keeping this short (since I’m actually combining two stories here and don’t want to get too long-winded).

And when I say all this, I am ‘listening’ to and heeding my words. I need to remember too, to trust again: myself, my intuition, the universe. Follow my heart and let go of my mind. That’s what I need to learn and re-learn. Perhaps that’s the lesson I’m to learn here?