Another (20th) Anniversary! My Spiritual Awakening

Well, I did it again! I can't believe it! My fingers are speedy, way too fast sometimes, including accidentally deleting a draft blog posting! One that I started typing a few months ago that was meant to be posted for tomorrow (Dec. 30). (I hate when I do that as my spontaneous originals are usually, if not always, a better version as that is when I am "in the flow."

Other than my 20-year anniversary here in Vancouver (see blog posting, March 21, 2012), this one relates to a special circumstance that occurred.

The best way I can articulate the beginning is to say that 20 years ago, Spirit (God, intuition, call it what you will) guided me to Vancouver, BC.

But heeding this strong call (that came in the form of utter happiness and an inner knowingness) did not come without setbacks, though not in a way you might think or imagine. Though I left my family and friends behind, it was a move I knew in my heart was right and true; see blog posting, March 21, 2012.

After approximately nine months of hell - no, not pregnancy! - but feeling utterly alone and lonely, having left the little support system I had, and having no one to talk to, I ended up attending my first meditation class. It was a guided meditation led by a South American woman with a strong accent. This occurred two days before the end of the year (on Dec. 30th, 2002).

As part of her words, the ones I remember distinctly were, "Think of why you are here. Remember why you're here." I took her words literally thinking, Yes, why the hell am I here? Why the f**k am I here? Why did I move to Vancouver? I knew in my heart I was supposed to move here, but why did I have to experience such anguish? I was in deep pain, feeling both emotional and mental turmoil. I literally wanted to die, so badly.

Out of the blue, however, an answer came to me in the form of a voice that interrupted my thoughts. This was the first and so far the last time I heard one that was not me or anyone visibly around me. It came seemingly from outside of me. I thought it was more of a masculine voice but wasn't sure. I only knew it wasn't mine! No one was around who would have spoken and besides, it was only audible to me. I knew that claircognizantly.

Though I get words a lot intuitively (claircognizantly), I never hear them. Thus, this experience was different.

The voice declared, in what seemed like a neutral yet compassionate tone, "You are supposed to heal yourself." WOW! That was quite the statement and I was shocked by both the voice and the message. Albeit brief, it was a powerful message that had quite the impact on me. (I admit that I can't recall if the voice said my name or not.)

Some of you might ponder the word "supposed" as part of the statement or what sounded more like an order or command. I wondered about that too. Synonyms could include words such as meant, intended, or required, all of which implies that my (soul) path is about or includes healing.

I believe that this message was also saying that in order for me to help others heal, I needed to heal myself first. Though, since then, I have come to know that healing (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) is a lifelong process, it doesn't mean that I am meant to be 100% healed, i.e., whole and complete in all ways, but rather on the path to wholeness or holistic health.

It was in that moment of enlightenment that I knew then the reason why I moved to BC. I had discovered that BC - Vancouver (and surrounding area) in particular - was or at least seemed to be the healing capital or mecca of Canada. There were copious forms of natural and alternative healing modalities that existed here on such a large scale.

I realized then too that I could not heal myself or at least not to the same degree if I lived in Calgary (where I had considered moving to), where one of my sisters and one of my brothers lived at the time. I had to leave all my friends and family, my former support system behind.

It was also during that time/experience - speaking about and sharing spiritual experiences is sometimes challenging in terms of articulation - as if my awareness opened up: imagine my palms pressed together (as if in prayer) and then my hands and arms opening up with elbows close to my body. This is the best way I can describe it with words and images; see photo.

I knew, again claircognizantly, that what I experienced was a spiritual awakening though I hadn't read or heard about it, I just knew it at a very deep (soul) level.

The message and understanding that came to me gave my mind and soul a tremendous sense of peace. It also gave me faith, so much so that 2003 became one of the best years of my life, when my life literally opened up to opportunities and possibilities, and I overcame some great fears.

Furthermore, I knew universal truths on a(n instant) claircognizant level. I easily could have written a book on happiness as I knew the 'secret' to it: the key was to live in the moment, in the present, not in the past or future where I tended to (and most of us tend to) dwell, especially with feelings such as guilt, worry, and anxiety that is past- or future-based. (If I had not procrastinated, would my book on happiness have been a bestseller?)

I find it interesting that this year is the first when a few healing modalities have come across my path synchronistically that I have been drawn to explore; all involve my hands.

I never thought of myself as a healer, never thinking I had the ability to heal, rather assist myself and/or others in my/their healing process as I am only a channel or instrument of healing. Surprisingly, at least to me, I've had some wonderful feedback and testimonies from both in-person and long-distance healing that I've engaged in.

There are many ways to heal and paths of healing. For myself, I have been aware that other forms of healing include my voice (via numerous compliments of how calming, soothing, etc. it has been for others on a crisis line or other phone lines, similar with reading/reciting in public, and the like). As well, my hands which do involuntary movements or through my writing (or typing) which is healing for myself and hopefully for others.

How do you receive messages from God or Spirit? How are you a healer, i.e., what gifts or talents do you have to offer others?